Relationship Trouble Blog

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- 59% of women cheat on their partner. This trend is rising.
- 3 out of 4 married men cheat on their wife
- 30% of people who have chatted online or emailed the opposite sex have turned at least one of those instances into an actual real-life meeting that ended up in sex
- 1 in 2 people who consider themselves happily married, have also cheated on their spouse
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There are several types of cheaters: those who will cheat once, then feel bad about it, and never repeat their mistake, those who continue the cheating pattern again and again until they are caught, and those who make a lifestyle out of being unfaithful.

If you want to know how to handle a cheating partner, you must first decide how likely it is that they will repeat that same behavior over again. Then you have to think about whether you trust them enough - consider the sincerity of the person who betrayed you when they ask for reconciliation. Unless you know your partner very well, you’ll probably not be able to reassure yourself that his/her infidelity was a one-time event.

Make sure you can live with the knowledge of your partner’s betrayal in your relationship before you go any further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive.

The root cause of the problem has to be discussed and dealt with: Things between you and your partner will never be the same again. It’s like going back to square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused infidelity are eliminated from your relationship. For instance, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture.

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Brigham Young University (BYU) research suggests that marital woes that can result from financial ups and downs have as much to do with a couple’s expectations as their paychecks and credit card bills.

The first-ever study to examine the impact of materialism on marital satisfaction found that highly materialistic spouses are about 40 percent more likely than non materialistic spouses to experience high levels of financial problems, which consequently harm their marital satisfaction. What’s more, the impact of materialism held true across all income levels.

“For a highly materialistic spouse or couple, it takes less financial disturbance to trigger a financial problem”Jason Carroll, BYU assistant professor explained. “Some would say, ” I’m not living a good life and I don’t have a good marriage if we can’t afford to go on that vacation or purchase designer décor for our home,” where a less materialistic spouse would not view these limitations as a major issue.”

Using complex statistical analyses, Carroll’s research team found that materialism among one or both spouses was more predictive of the extent of a couple’s financial problems than their income. The model also connected this higher level of financial problems with lower marital satisfaction.

“This study suggests that spouses set their own threshold for what they view as a money problem” Carroll said. “If spouses are overly materialistic, their threshold will be quite low, thereby increasing the likelihood that finances will be a problem in their marriages.”

Materialism may increase financial problems in marriage in two ways:

1. A spouse may use money unwisely in chasing unreasonable materialistic expectations, therefore causing actual money problems

2. Materialistic expectations may cause a spouse to interpret a financial situation negatively, leading to more complaints and conflicts, even when another couple with similar financial resources won’t have such conflicts because of lower expectations.

Carroll gave the following four recommendations:

1. Separate needs from wants. It is often said, “Yesterday’s luxuries have become today’s necessities.” In today’s consumer culture, it is important for couples to carefully distinguish between their “needs” and their “wants” when it comes to family spending.

2. Check financial benchmarks. Many people do not see their financial expectations are too high because they compare their spending habits to others who have more. Couples who typically compare themselves to others who have more than they do frequently develop a sense of entitlement and resentment, while couples who see their situation through the eye of those who have less are more likely to foster a sense of gratitude in their lives.

3. Focus on the simple. The saying goes, “The most important things in life are not things.” While easy to say, this phrase is much harder to live. Financial strain in marriage, brought on by high materialistic expectations, often causes couples to not fully appreciate the simple aspects of their relationship that money cannot buy.

4. Lower expectations. Financial problems in marriage are as much about expectations as they are about behaviors. Lowering financial expectations can benefit marriages in two ways. First, spouses will be more willing to avoid making purchases that create debt and stress in their relationship and, second, spouses will be more inclined to interpret their current situation with more gratitude and optimism.

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1. Make sure you know what you are looking for. If you don’t know, you’ll end up settling for whoever comes along. Make a written list of the top qualities in an “ideal person” you would like - such as honesty, sense of humor etc… Use this list as your guideline when dating - the closer the person matches your “ideal person” the better chance you have of finding the right one.

2. Realize that there is no such thing as an “ideal person” so you’ll have to compromise on minor things, for example hair color or body type, but it is not recommended to compromise on major issues. In another words, if you don’t want children, don’t date someone who wants a family or has children.

3. Be sure you are compatible in all areas. For a compatible relationship or marriage, couples should have common interests and principles. Imagine living your entire life with someone who does not understand you…

4. Keep in mind that your “ideal person” is searching for their “ideal” too. So, if you want someone athletic, you should get into shape, because athletes like their partners to be in good physical condition too.

5. Once you’ve found your perfect partner, take at least six months to a year to really get to know them inside and out. If you can’t picture yourself with this person in 20, 30 or 40 years, then he or she is not the right person for you.

It is estimated that over 80% of failed relationships could be prevented if couples asked each other the right questions. Here’s a list of the 1,000 most important questions to ask.