Relationship Trouble Blog

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Some of people’s biggest communication problems come in sharing new information with people they know well, newly published research at the University of Chicago shows.

Because they already share quite a bit of common knowledge, people often use short, ambiguous messages in talking with co-workers and spouses, and accordingly unintentionally create misunderstandings, says Boaz Keysar, Professor in Psychology at the University of Chicago. “People are so used to talking with those with whom they already share a great deal of information, that when they have something really new to share, they often present it in away that assumes the person already knows it” said Keysar.

In order to test the theory, the researchers created a communications game in which parties had unequal amounts of information. They prepared line drawings of unusual shapes and gave them made-up names and then trained University of Chicago students to recognize different numbers of the shapes. During this game students were tested to see how well they could communicate to a partner the identity of one of the shapes. Students, who with their partners shared a great deal of knowledge about the shapes, used names more often in identifying the shapes while students who did not have a great knowledge of the shapes described the shapes rather than naming them.

The students were more likely to confuse the partners they shared more information with because they would automatically use the name of a shape rather than the description, assuming that their partner would know what they were talking about, when in reality he or she did not recognize the name.

Relationship Trouble

There is no “right” way to make a relationship work, but here are a few tips to remember:

- Every relationship is different - don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s (your friend’s, parent’s or your co-worker’s)

- Work on creating and developing the emotional aspect of your relationship before any physical involvement occurs.

- Work on your relationship every single day in every way possible.

- Use all the help available. There are lots of resources to use to improve your relationship: relationship articles, and relationship ebooks for example. Do whatever you can to improve and strengthen your relationship or marriage.

What Makes a Good Marriage?

Signs of cheating in a relationship include:

1.Sudden increase in late night work at the office
2.Sudden interest in his or her appearance
3.Leaving the room to receive calls on his/her cell phone
4.Vague responses when explaining why he or she is late
5.Showering immediately upon coming home
6.Spouse becomes uncharacteristically argumentative with no apparent cause
7.Spouse becomes closed and distant
8.Spouse gets angry when you look at his/her cell phone or computer
9.Spouse is acting nervous, tries to change the topic of discussion or finds an excuse to go and do something else
10.Your spouse accuses you of cheating

Related:

How to Catch a Wife Cheating

Cheating Husband Clues

According to a study reported in the recent issue of Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association (APA), the way in which people think, feel and behave in their adult romantic relationships is governed not only by factors in their surroundings, but is also a direct result of their past relationships and personal attachment extending all the way back to childhood.

In a study that has spanned more than 25 years, and is still being conducted, 78 individuals were studied at four pivotal points in their lives – infancy, early childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. At the first checkpoint when the participants were 12 months old, caregivers reported on the children’s attachment and exploratory behavior. At the second checkpoint when the participants were 6-8 years old, the participant’s teachers were asked to rate how well the children interacted with their peers. At the third checkpoint the16 years old, participants were asked to describe their close friendships.At the most recent reporting, the participants’ romantic partners (of at least four months) were asked to describe their experiences and their partner’s expressions of emotion during their relationship.

The findings of this study showed that expression of emotions in adult romantic relationships can be related back to a person’s attachment experiences during earlier social development. The participants who were secure and attached as infants were rated with higher social competence as children. Children who were socially competent amongst peers were found to be more secure and closer to their friends at age 16. Participants who were closer to friends as a teen were more expressive and emotionally attached to their romantic partners in early adulthood.

The current findings highlight one developmental pathway through which significant relationship experiences during the early years of life are tied to the daily experiences in romantic relationships during early adulthood. “One encouraging finding, however, is that the study does not suggest that an individual’s past unalterably determines the future course of his/her relationships.” says W. Andrew Collins, lead author and University of Minnesota psychology professor.

According to a Cornell University communication researcher, online daters, men and women, usually lie about either their height or weight, and sometimes their age.

Men systematically overestimate their height, while women more commonly underestimate their weight, says Jeffrey Hancock, an assistant professor of communication and the lead author on this study. “Surprisingly, age-related deception was minimal and did not differ by gender” he also said.

- About 52.6 % of the men in the study lied about their height, as did 39 % of the women.
- Slightly more women lied about their weight (64.1 %) than did men (60.5 %).
- When it came to age, 24.3 % of the men were untruthful, compared with 13.1 % of the women.

Cornell University researchers examined four popular dating sites. Study participants – 80 of them - were recruited in New York City through advertisements. After collecting information about the participants from their online profiles, the researchers measured each person’s height and weight, and obtained their age from drivers’ licenses.

The pattern of lies – frequent but slight – suggest that deception in online dating profiles is strategic. “Participants balanced the tension between appearing as attractive as possible, while also being perceived as honest,” Hancock said.

RelationshipTrouble.info

According to InsideDivorce.com research, one in five marriages (19%) – are not stable and could be heading for the divorce courts.

Key findings from the report include:

- Infidelity, falling out of love and abuse are the primary reasons for divorce in Great Britain.
- One in three men are bored with their wife and marriage.
- The average length of marriage is seven years and three months.

27% of divorced or separated people surveyed said that finding out that their partner was having an affair was the defining moment that indicated the end of their relationship. In terms of how they discovered their partner’s infidelity: 54% discovered the affair themselves, while 1 in 5 confessed, and 4% were told by the “other man/woman”.

22% of divorcees said that falling out of love was what lead to the breakdown of their marriage. 15.9% of women and 6% of men said a serious incident of abuse is what pushed them over the edge. Forty per cent of women claimed that mental and physical abuse was a problem during their marriage.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse

How to Save a Marriage